Enjoy the little things in life...you may find out they are the big things!

Today was a beautiful day.  I need to learn how to let myself enjoy more beautiful days like today.

  I've been crushed with anxiety lately.  I grew up in a cluttered house and have always been a cluttered person.  But now that I have Penguin, I'm terrified to have HIM grow up in a cluttered house. I've tried to be kind with myself. I know that you can't change clutter in ONE day...or one week...or three months. Change is hard. Being too hard on myself certainly won't help things, especially if I let the anxiety overwhelm me.  Sometimes I get so tied up in "must-get-things-done, must-get-things-done" I snap at hubby, miss out on the little things, and just get myself wound tightly.

Mr. Chakraverte is much better at balancing things lately.  He has this surfer cool, "let things roll off of his back" attitude lately, of which I am jealous.  I know that deep down he's freaked out about his upcoming finals, comprehensive exams, and money.  But in the mornings, he is just so darn good at just enjoying life.  Take this morning for example.

Penguin woke up at 6 a.m., but just burbled and babbled happily to himself until 7.  I was able to doze peacefully next to him, content to get just a few more minutes of sleep.  At seven, I went downstairs to put Penguin in his playgym, so I could pee and get some water. Mr. C was sleeping on the massage table downstairs.  Penguin saw him, and was intrigued by his snoring.  He kept staring and making noises, trying to wake his Daddy up.  Eventually, he was successful. Mr. C took it in stride, and scooped him up to snuggle.  He offered to take him back upstairs to play so I could lay out on the massage table and sleep.  I had thrown my shoulder and back out from carrying Penguin at an odd angle.   I got acupuncture and gua sha treatment yesterday, which helped a lot. But, I still need to lay flat to really get the muscles to relax.

Mr. C takes Penguin upstairs, and I caught an extra hour of sleep.  I woke up to feed Penguin, and Mr. C improv'ed some adorable songs while playing guitar.  Eventually we got dressed and went to the park.  Mr. C shot some hoops, and I got to walk around for a bit.

I have a feeling most people don't get that kind of quality time with their spouse and kids.  I'm going to miss times like this when I go back to work in a month.  I need to soak it all up now, and not worry about the day to day anxiety.  Penguin is conked out at the moment, one hand on my arm.  I love how he likes  to have some physical contact with me...a pinky, a toe, a cheek...at all times.  Of course it gets frustrating when nothing gets done, but really, do I want a perfectly clean house? or a perfectly happy son?