Lil' Penguin's First Wedding

             Penguin, Mr. Chakraverte, and I went to a wedding yesterday.   This wedding was a total expression how beautiful and family centered an event can be.  I hope we can have the same level of community feeling at our own wedding, one day.  (Yep, we're not yet legally hitched.)  Though it was a super fancy wedding at a posh location, the groom had specifically invited Penguin, and made sure to let us know that he wouldn't even be the youngest baby there.  Cousins were bringing their 1 month old, and noise was expected from the several toddlers invited as well.

I was touched by the beauty of the ceremony.  They found a lot of ways to weave family touches into the ceremony that felt honest and honored the connections.  Nothing felt contrived, it was just sweet.  This is only the second Jewish wedding I've ever been to; I'm really touched by the symbolism and thought that goes into the ceremony.  Since her family isn't Jewish, the couple provided beautiful explanations in the program book.  For example:

"The two parts of the wedding ceremony, erusin and nissuin, take place under the chuppah.  The chuppah symbolizes the home and family that we are building together.  Our chuppah bears an additional significance to us as the canopy includes N's. [the bride's] baby blanket, which was hand-quilted almost three decades ago by R., the brides's maternal grandmother.  Unfortunately, R is not able to attend today's celebration, N loves her Granny and took R as her Hebrew name. Though no object can replace R's real presence, we are pleaced to have a symbol of her love here with us today."

Freaking beautiful.

The whole booklet was like that. I learned a lot.

Breaking the Glass: This act, which concludes the ceremony, can be interpreted in a variety of ways.  As the glass breaks, we agree to treat our relationship with care and tenderness.  Additionally, Jewish tradition reminds us that even in the moment of our greatest joy, we must not forget that the world is broken, that many people and our planet are suffering.

The  glasses we are breaking are of particular significance to us: they belonged to E's maternal great-grandmother and N's paternal grandfather.  Each of these glasses is chipped, representing the already broken world. In the spirit of tikkun olam (repairing the world), we have decided to save the shards of these heirlooms, and fashion them into a mezuzah.  This is mean to represent our deeply held belief that the repaired world need not resemble its original form.

 As for us, we recognize that most jurisdictions in civil society, including New York City and New York State, do not make possible the legal protections of marriage to same sex couples.  We have chosen to recognize this enduring injustice by celebrating our spiritual union separately from our civil commitment, the later of which will take place outside of New York state.

The breaking of the glass reminds us that even in our most joyous moments there remains great injustice, struggle and sadness all around us.  We must wokr to better ourselves and the world. 

 I was just so struck by that.  What a beautiful way to bring together tradition, philosophy, the future.  I felt honored to be present there with my son and partner.  And boy, did they know how to party.
             We had a blast. Penguin cooperated by sleeping for the entire commute into the wedding.   As we sat down for the ceremony I got the Evil Stare from a Sourpuss.  You know the "oh heavens, a baby, he'll RUIN the ceremony" look.  Penguin woke up JUST as the ceremony began, but was starving so I  breastfed him through the ceremony.   He was happy as could be.

              It turned out we were seated next to Sourpuss for the dinner.  She complimented us on how "good" our baby was. She admitted to being concerned that he'd make noise during the ceremony.  Then, she changed her tone.  I was wearing Penguin in his wrap, and she started to talk about how she used to wear her daughter everywhere. She used to live in Montreal, and it was too cold to use a stroller.  She'd wear her daughter to classes at university, to the store.  Slowly the sourpuss cracked, and she seemed to remember just how challenging being a new mom can be.

           The bride and groom, who don't have any children, generously offered up the "green room/suite" for us to use for diaper changes, breastfeeding or when Penguin was over stimulated.  This was a special room with couches, a separate bathroom, and its own light/heat/ac controls for the bride to get ready in.  The catering hall bathroom didn't have a changing table, which I didn't notice until after I had already.  The groom made it clear that he just wanted us to be comfortable and enjoy ourselves. I wasn't to feel regulated to that room, but if it was easier on us, to go ahead and use it.  I was really touched by that level of understanding, that a groom on his wedding day, barraged by family members and photos, took time to seek me out and let me know what accommodations had been made for us! I don't know if I would have thought to do the same thing, if the situation was reversed.  He also had seated us at a table where just about everyone was older and had grown kids, so Penguin was welcomed and asked to be held -- so I got to dance with Mr. C!  Penguin was a champ -- a little overstimulated at times, but overall pretty sociable, especially considering how loud it was and that he was up past his bedtime.  A good time was had by all!  Mazel tov!